she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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