I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
