You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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