I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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