Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
