Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
