ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
