Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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