I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
