i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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