my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
