Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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