He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
