my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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