you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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