What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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