I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
