We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
