ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
