There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
