He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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