Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
