So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
