I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
