I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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