im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
