Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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