btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
