you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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