u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
