They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
