he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My ass is underappreciated
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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