I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
