HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
