I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
