She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
