I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
