I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
