Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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