We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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