Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
