you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
