margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
