The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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