It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
