The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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