I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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