Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
