I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
