I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
