When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
