im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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