bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i need some magic done to my vagina
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
