I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
