I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
